Is that seat taken? Congratulations.
Yesterday I attended a wedding dinner at Gu Yue Tien, Jln Raja Chulan. The wedding of my second cousin a million times removed, who was the groom. I didnt even know who the hell that is. No I don't remember the groom's name or the brides name. Yes I went for the free food.
So my dad knows everyone, and I don't know a single person. Because I've been the spoilt little one who got to grow up in Kuala Lumpur and not in Kluang like everyone else. With the exception of my other cousin who attended along, he was one of the 5 people that I knew there, which also happened to be the 5 people I attended that wedding with.
Okay lets break it down shall we, before I begin my rant on traditional chinese dinners and how ridiculous some things can get. Or maybe I just refuse to tolerate to old folks mentalities and second, third, fourth cousins I dont know how many times removed and the chinese counterpart of that title. Copy, paste, apply to other relatives of different generations. Or maybe I was just cranky because my contacts kept running and my tearing smudged my make up to the point that I looked like that angry mistress of the groom who couldnt stop crying coz he was marrying another woman.
Lets go off course a little bit shall we. Yes, I was born in Kuala Lumpur. Yes, I had and still HAVE the pleasure of going shopping with my parents, and getting a dress every now and then by making that face. No I'm not going to teach you how to make that face. Only works for me. Yes I have nice clothes and nice shoes, I know how to put on warpaint that'll make all the other girls shy away and the guys wish I wasn't their cousin and wasn't taller than them. Yes I am proficient in spoken and written english as well as I am able to speak chinese, even after forgetting how to read and write most of it. YES I go shopping, get manipedis and carry expensive bags. Yes I go clubbing every now and then, I like partying and OH NO I didn't go to Sekolah Kebangsaan and oh yes I sooo should've gone to NS.
That does not make me a priss, that does not mean I spend money without regard, that does not mean I forget my roots in chinese tradition, or as some might assume, not know them at all. Because I don't speak much cantonese doesn't mean I dont understand it, or that I'm too damn stuck up to speak chinese dialects. Fuck you. I speak better mandarine and hokkien than most of you, what more I am able to swear in more dialects you've ever heard of in your life. Unless you're one of those english incompetent fuckholes on facebook that clog my inbox with shit like "Hi sandra you is pretty gal, mind to be fren? add me ya~~~" or "hi sandra sexi gal, mind to fuk?" , then no I do not screw people over with english just because I think its better than chinese. No I do not refuse to speak it or surround myself with ppl who speak it just because I think I am of a higher class because I grew up in KL and speak english. What shallow thinking. I have been brought up in a different way and that does not automatically put me in the category of stuck up high society wannabes that leech off their parents, I probably wont even be able to afford that quilted Chanel tote without skipping out on shopping for the next one year so SHOVE IT somewhere else already.
All that because I wear nice clothes, have nice shoes and speak English. Stereotyping morons.
Moving on.
Chinese weddingssss ahh yess. I have experienced a couple of my own, and honestly? I'd never want to have that wedding ceremony EVER. Yes, the more people who attend your wedding, the more auspicious! More people to share the joy and merrymaking you think, but no thats not true because there are plenty people like me who make a big entrance in my skintight silk cheongsam and high heels as "ah choons daughter! that one la!" but actually am going for the free food without even knowing who the groom or bride is, then make a grand exit in my silk cheongsam and high heels because I am "ah choons daughter!! there that one la! the kl one!" while shaking the hands of the newlyweds and congradulating them. They don't even know who the hell I am, unlike all the "gu ma's" and the "gu po's" and distant relatives that ngap ngap ngap throughout the ceremony.
These people don't even know me. But as we all know it is embedded in their minds that girls need to be looked after and taken care of so they don't run amok as we are supposed to be wedded into good families and make babies. Throughout the night my poor daddy had to endure the countless old ladies that came by and repeated the same shit along the same lines, this is best represented n a dialougue:
Auntie #32135: "wah your daughter has grown up so much, so pretty, very pretty, must be a handful to take care of!"
Dad: *chuckles*
"Yes what! aiyo sure alot of boys kacau you must take care of her!"
*chuckles, this time with a hint of a smirk* "check their id can already one la"
"Aiyo somore your only child la! Must be very bou bui (precious)!"
this time he looks at me and grins "yes yes of course she's very spoilt"
"AIYOOO like that ahhh you must take extra care of her la!!"
"No need too much la shes a big girl she has to learn!"
"AIYOOO WHERE CAN LIKE THAT! Bou bui girls must be looked after carefully mah hor!!"
*chuckles*
This is when my dear aunt comes to the rescue "aiya now times have changed, girls can look after themselves already la hor? To which I nodd my head furiously.
Repeat with 5 other ladies.
We go with it out of understanding and respect.
Except me, I just pretend like I dont understand chinese so she doesnt ask me anything.
Ah yes chinese weddings dinners. Bad kareoke. Cheesy love songs by Westlife and worst, Air Supply. Chinese songs all night.
And whatever happened to long, slinky, flowy, peekaboo glamour gowns? What is it with chinese brides and maroon tube topped taffetta ballooned ruched skirt ball gowns?! Whatever happened to simple updos, or long flowing wavy hair, what is it with the overload of hairspray and something thats in between an updo and a letdown(LITERALLY!)? And the overload of glitter oh dearrrr.
Moving on, weddings are events where everyone is supposed to be merry and joyful, so drunken uncles on martell is totally acceptable.
I didn't touch the red wine. But the champagne I was hoping for never came either.
And whatever happened to the DRESS CODE? Weddings, as I know, are supposed to be formal events, with nothing more than a semi-formal dress code. Who the fuck thought it was okay to wear jeans and sneakers to a formal event? With the exception of my cousin who didn't bring a formal change of clothes with him to my place (tho I know he prob went for free food too coz he, like me didnt know anyone haha). Aside from that, plenty of bumpkins, evidently. I saw uncles in slippers, I saw teens in sneakers, I saw ladies in tube tops and jeans. Then again they probably came for the free food too, which much less etiquette. Weddings, or any formal function, has an unwritten rule of a proper dress code, which means at least a shirt and slacks, leather shoes, nobody's asking you to come in a fucking tux. Even a simple dress would suffice, which, the place was swarming with, girls, were donning. Poorly chosen halter dresses with plenty plastic diamantes, with a shiney ugly tablecloth of a shawl to cover up their shoulders in order to avoid being berated by those 2 generations their senior. I however didnt give a shit I bet they were frowning at the slit up my cheongsam and the tightness of it but HEY I came something traditional bloody hell talk about me forgetting Im chinese when the rest of your littles ones think they come from Harajuku, JAPAN with their side ponytails and almost blonde highlights.
Then there's talk about " oh my sons are studying to become doctors!" then from another corner of the room "my son IS a doctor!" then somewhere else "oh my daughter is now studying to be a lawyer!" and the other side "she is doing her chambering already!" then comes the big question: "So what is your daughter doing now ah choon?"
To which I REALLY wanted to roll my eyes before saying "I aspire to be the most popular social girl in all Malaysia! Like Paris Hilton!" but instead cheerfully (with a hint of sarcasm) reply "Nothing! I haven't even gotten my drivers license yet!" I'm going to be doing Communucation, most prob major in journalism an d media culture, so fuckkkkk you and your 10 years of studying I'm going to be out in the world and not sitting in a damned office 9 to 5 or the rest of my life. Tho I did consider criminal law but oh no not here in Msia. And I probably wouldnt be able to live with myself after awhile.
Anyway this is getting a little long, and for the grand finale, may the most chinese of aunties chorus together,
"Don't forget to invite us to your daughter's wedding ya ah choon(my poor daddy)!"
I'd rather surprise them with a persandingan, maybe throw it in a silat performance. And kebayas and tudungs for a dress code. heh.
So my dad knows everyone, and I don't know a single person. Because I've been the spoilt little one who got to grow up in Kuala Lumpur and not in Kluang like everyone else. With the exception of my other cousin who attended along, he was one of the 5 people that I knew there, which also happened to be the 5 people I attended that wedding with.
Okay lets break it down shall we, before I begin my rant on traditional chinese dinners and how ridiculous some things can get. Or maybe I just refuse to tolerate to old folks mentalities and second, third, fourth cousins I dont know how many times removed and the chinese counterpart of that title. Copy, paste, apply to other relatives of different generations. Or maybe I was just cranky because my contacts kept running and my tearing smudged my make up to the point that I looked like that angry mistress of the groom who couldnt stop crying coz he was marrying another woman.
Lets go off course a little bit shall we. Yes, I was born in Kuala Lumpur. Yes, I had and still HAVE the pleasure of going shopping with my parents, and getting a dress every now and then by making that face. No I'm not going to teach you how to make that face. Only works for me. Yes I have nice clothes and nice shoes, I know how to put on warpaint that'll make all the other girls shy away and the guys wish I wasn't their cousin and wasn't taller than them. Yes I am proficient in spoken and written english as well as I am able to speak chinese, even after forgetting how to read and write most of it. YES I go shopping, get manipedis and carry expensive bags. Yes I go clubbing every now and then, I like partying and OH NO I didn't go to Sekolah Kebangsaan and oh yes I sooo should've gone to NS.
That does not make me a priss, that does not mean I spend money without regard, that does not mean I forget my roots in chinese tradition, or as some might assume, not know them at all. Because I don't speak much cantonese doesn't mean I dont understand it, or that I'm too damn stuck up to speak chinese dialects. Fuck you. I speak better mandarine and hokkien than most of you, what more I am able to swear in more dialects you've ever heard of in your life. Unless you're one of those english incompetent fuckholes on facebook that clog my inbox with shit like "Hi sandra you is pretty gal, mind to be fren? add me ya~~~" or "hi sandra sexi gal, mind to fuk?" , then no I do not screw people over with english just because I think its better than chinese. No I do not refuse to speak it or surround myself with ppl who speak it just because I think I am of a higher class because I grew up in KL and speak english. What shallow thinking. I have been brought up in a different way and that does not automatically put me in the category of stuck up high society wannabes that leech off their parents, I probably wont even be able to afford that quilted Chanel tote without skipping out on shopping for the next one year so SHOVE IT somewhere else already.
All that because I wear nice clothes, have nice shoes and speak English. Stereotyping morons.
Moving on.
Chinese weddingssss ahh yess. I have experienced a couple of my own, and honestly? I'd never want to have that wedding ceremony EVER. Yes, the more people who attend your wedding, the more auspicious! More people to share the joy and merrymaking you think, but no thats not true because there are plenty people like me who make a big entrance in my skintight silk cheongsam and high heels as "ah choons daughter! that one la!" but actually am going for the free food without even knowing who the groom or bride is, then make a grand exit in my silk cheongsam and high heels because I am "ah choons daughter!! there that one la! the kl one!" while shaking the hands of the newlyweds and congradulating them. They don't even know who the hell I am, unlike all the "gu ma's" and the "gu po's" and distant relatives that ngap ngap ngap throughout the ceremony.
These people don't even know me. But as we all know it is embedded in their minds that girls need to be looked after and taken care of so they don't run amok as we are supposed to be wedded into good families and make babies. Throughout the night my poor daddy had to endure the countless old ladies that came by and repeated the same shit along the same lines, this is best represented n a dialougue:
Auntie #32135: "wah your daughter has grown up so much, so pretty, very pretty, must be a handful to take care of!"
Dad: *chuckles*
"Yes what! aiyo sure alot of boys kacau you must take care of her!"
*chuckles, this time with a hint of a smirk* "check their id can already one la"
"Aiyo somore your only child la! Must be very bou bui (precious)!"
this time he looks at me and grins "yes yes of course she's very spoilt"
"AIYOOO like that ahhh you must take extra care of her la!!"
"No need too much la shes a big girl she has to learn!"
"AIYOOO WHERE CAN LIKE THAT! Bou bui girls must be looked after carefully mah hor!!"
*chuckles*
This is when my dear aunt comes to the rescue "aiya now times have changed, girls can look after themselves already la hor? To which I nodd my head furiously.
Repeat with 5 other ladies.
We go with it out of understanding and respect.
Except me, I just pretend like I dont understand chinese so she doesnt ask me anything.
Ah yes chinese weddings dinners. Bad kareoke. Cheesy love songs by Westlife and worst, Air Supply. Chinese songs all night.
And whatever happened to long, slinky, flowy, peekaboo glamour gowns? What is it with chinese brides and maroon tube topped taffetta ballooned ruched skirt ball gowns?! Whatever happened to simple updos, or long flowing wavy hair, what is it with the overload of hairspray and something thats in between an updo and a letdown(LITERALLY!)? And the overload of glitter oh dearrrr.
Moving on, weddings are events where everyone is supposed to be merry and joyful, so drunken uncles on martell is totally acceptable.
I didn't touch the red wine. But the champagne I was hoping for never came either.
And whatever happened to the DRESS CODE? Weddings, as I know, are supposed to be formal events, with nothing more than a semi-formal dress code. Who the fuck thought it was okay to wear jeans and sneakers to a formal event? With the exception of my cousin who didn't bring a formal change of clothes with him to my place (tho I know he prob went for free food too coz he, like me didnt know anyone haha). Aside from that, plenty of bumpkins, evidently. I saw uncles in slippers, I saw teens in sneakers, I saw ladies in tube tops and jeans. Then again they probably came for the free food too, which much less etiquette. Weddings, or any formal function, has an unwritten rule of a proper dress code, which means at least a shirt and slacks, leather shoes, nobody's asking you to come in a fucking tux. Even a simple dress would suffice, which, the place was swarming with, girls, were donning. Poorly chosen halter dresses with plenty plastic diamantes, with a shiney ugly tablecloth of a shawl to cover up their shoulders in order to avoid being berated by those 2 generations their senior. I however didnt give a shit I bet they were frowning at the slit up my cheongsam and the tightness of it but HEY I came something traditional bloody hell talk about me forgetting Im chinese when the rest of your littles ones think they come from Harajuku, JAPAN with their side ponytails and almost blonde highlights.
Then there's talk about " oh my sons are studying to become doctors!" then from another corner of the room "my son IS a doctor!" then somewhere else "oh my daughter is now studying to be a lawyer!" and the other side "she is doing her chambering already!" then comes the big question: "So what is your daughter doing now ah choon?"
To which I REALLY wanted to roll my eyes before saying "I aspire to be the most popular social girl in all Malaysia! Like Paris Hilton!" but instead cheerfully (with a hint of sarcasm) reply "Nothing! I haven't even gotten my drivers license yet!" I'm going to be doing Communucation, most prob major in journalism an d media culture, so fuckkkkk you and your 10 years of studying I'm going to be out in the world and not sitting in a damned office 9 to 5 or the rest of my life. Tho I did consider criminal law but oh no not here in Msia. And I probably wouldnt be able to live with myself after awhile.
Anyway this is getting a little long, and for the grand finale, may the most chinese of aunties chorus together,
"Don't forget to invite us to your daughter's wedding ya ah choon(my poor daddy)!"
I'd rather surprise them with a persandingan, maybe throw it in a silat performance. And kebayas and tudungs for a dress code. heh.
No comments:
Post a Comment