Hello World,
Its been awhile since I've meant to change my blogspot address, I've past being seventeen a long time ago, in fact I'm turning 19 come 2010!
Speaking of which, I really don't want to grow up. My nightmares no longer have an angry babysitter yelling at me, or clowns chasing me (though my phobia hasn't really gone away), instead I have dreams of me growing up and moving out, leaving my parents each alone, and with me not having enough time for them like I used to as a college student, I have dreams of clearing out my old room, the one which I grew up in, in Gombak, I have dreams of coming home to Dad's, to an empty room that used to be so full of memories, high school textbooks, plush toys from when I was a baby, magic markers and watercolours, the smell of familiarity, the sound of old conversations with ex-boyfriends, best friends, ex-best friends.
Which is why I've never cleared out my room in Gombak, I go back there every once in a while, to spend time with my dad, sometimes for convenience sake, if jobs are in KL, and to get away from the world, case example:
"Lets go out!"
"I'm in gombak"
"OK I'm not picking you up from there bye"
I have nightmares of being too busy for friends and family, nowadays with me being a mere student I'm already so caught up with part time jobs and assignments and all these stupid little things that I can't seem to make time to get my drivers license or see my friends more than once a week.
Like real nightmares, the ones that you wake up from, sweaty and crying. The ones where you immediately get out of bed after and sleep with your mom and dog for the slighest sense of comfort.
Nevertheless, this year's early Christmas party last Sunday saw Mummy and Daddy sitting together for a brief 10 minutes, safe to say the best moment of Christmas so far. Funny how its already been a year and longer, and I've accepted it from the very beginning, "whatever makes you guys happier, I'm happy with it too.", and it still affects me sometimes.
Sometimes I just want to go back to being innocent and naive, simple and childish, play, cry, throw tantrums, laugh at everything thats funny without a care in the world, huggie time with mimi and didi, play with the doggie, "dont grab the kitty ah girl it will scratch you", get teddies for Christmas, get more teddies for Birthdays, no worries about work, or money, or assignments.
I guess nobody escapes this. Though I do think I'm getting a little too accelerated with my lifestyle and I'm growing up too fast. People never think I'm only 18, always 21, 22, mentally 24, matured, composed, independant, firm, lansi, intimidating, blablabla.
Not a good sign.
Maybe I'll keep that blog address after all.
Speaking of which, I really don't want to grow up. My nightmares no longer have an angry babysitter yelling at me, or clowns chasing me (though my phobia hasn't really gone away), instead I have dreams of me growing up and moving out, leaving my parents each alone, and with me not having enough time for them like I used to as a college student, I have dreams of clearing out my old room, the one which I grew up in, in Gombak, I have dreams of coming home to Dad's, to an empty room that used to be so full of memories, high school textbooks, plush toys from when I was a baby, magic markers and watercolours, the smell of familiarity, the sound of old conversations with ex-boyfriends, best friends, ex-best friends.
Which is why I've never cleared out my room in Gombak, I go back there every once in a while, to spend time with my dad, sometimes for convenience sake, if jobs are in KL, and to get away from the world, case example:
"Lets go out!"
"I'm in gombak"
"OK I'm not picking you up from there bye"
I have nightmares of being too busy for friends and family, nowadays with me being a mere student I'm already so caught up with part time jobs and assignments and all these stupid little things that I can't seem to make time to get my drivers license or see my friends more than once a week.
Like real nightmares, the ones that you wake up from, sweaty and crying. The ones where you immediately get out of bed after and sleep with your mom and dog for the slighest sense of comfort.
Nevertheless, this year's early Christmas party last Sunday saw Mummy and Daddy sitting together for a brief 10 minutes, safe to say the best moment of Christmas so far. Funny how its already been a year and longer, and I've accepted it from the very beginning, "whatever makes you guys happier, I'm happy with it too.", and it still affects me sometimes.
Sometimes I just want to go back to being innocent and naive, simple and childish, play, cry, throw tantrums, laugh at everything thats funny without a care in the world, huggie time with mimi and didi, play with the doggie, "dont grab the kitty ah girl it will scratch you", get teddies for Christmas, get more teddies for Birthdays, no worries about work, or money, or assignments.
I guess nobody escapes this. Though I do think I'm getting a little too accelerated with my lifestyle and I'm growing up too fast. People never think I'm only 18, always 21, 22, mentally 24, matured, composed, independant, firm, lansi, intimidating, blablabla.
Not a good sign.
Maybe I'll keep that blog address after all.
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